My Mommy Fears
Have you ever thought back to your childhood and just realized how you lived so carefree? Since becoming a parent, I definitely think about it more often now, because I have this little human sitting here with me that has no earthly idea of what’s going on around him. As he continues to grow, he too will create memories of that carefree childhood where he just wants to watch cartoons or ride his bike. Meanwhile, I’m over here trying to determine how I can shield him from the troubles of this world.
Mentally, being a parent is just plain out hard. As someone who has never experienced extreme anxiety, I don’t think I was prepared to feel this way prior to EJ’s arrival. During the first few weeks of his life, I was constantly worried to the point that I was just anxious about everything. My mom is a witness to this, but I even said that I didn’t want EJ to grow up while crying my eyes out. I can laugh about that now, but I was serious, because at the time, all I could think about was someone mistreating or harming my baby.
My mom had to pull me back in and she began to remind me of how God has kept me throughout the years. She said, “Shundra, just like God has kept you. Don’t you believe that He will do that same thing for your baby?”. I replied yes, but it wasn’t until a few weeks later that I truly believed that God’s plan for this little human is greater than my plans.
This existence of motherhood is just beginning, but my faith is growing and my fears are slowly fading. If it wasn’t for my support system and much needed prayer, I think my fears would still have me bound. Yes, there are moments that remind me of my fears. However, God’s protection, grace, and mercy has definitely outweighed circumstances in my life, and I believe that He will do the same for my baby.